


reckless

by manzana



Category: Free!
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-01
Updated: 2014-10-01
Packaged: 2018-02-19 12:07:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,842
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2387759
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/manzana/pseuds/manzana
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It’s when they reach the crossroads point between their two houses, when Sousuke gently pries open Rin’s fingers where they’re wrapped around his duffel bag strap and reclaims the bag to carry himself, when he nods and offers that warm dizzying smile again and says, “well, I’ll see you” — it’s at this point that Rin finally speaks. </p>
<p>"Stay the night."</p>
<p> </p>
<p>a nonexistent moment taking place before the very end of episode 11</p>
            </blockquote>





	reckless

**Author's Note:**

> cross-posted from [tumblr](http://princessbubbleghoul.tumblr.com/post/97913307359/sourin-3823-words-takes-place-right-before-the)! i'm just slowly cross-posting all my sourin fics from tumblr haha uh... i came up with this after episode 11 and wrote it after episode 12

About halfway through the train ride home, Sousuke’s head starts to nod forward, his chin bumping against his chest along with the rumbling movements of the train. Rin notices it immediately and smiles watching Sousuke fight the gravity of his drooping eyelids. He reaches a hand up to guide Sousuke’s head down onto his shoulder, which Sousuke doesn’t fight in the slightest. Within minutes he’s gone. He sleeps for the remainder of the ride, his head nuzzled up against Rin like that and snoring lightly. Exhausted and as easily susceptible to sleeping on train rides himself, Rin has to force himself to stay awake so they don’t miss their stop.

 

He stares out the window opposite them, tries to look past his reflection in the glass at the view of the shoreline racing across his vision. This proves to be a challenge; he’s seen the world blur by on this train ride before, after all, but it’d been too long since he’d seen the image being mirrored back to him, with that tall brooding boy slumped over on his arm, looking so comfortable and so at home right there beside him. 

 

Rin feels a little sick, not by the sight but by the way it makes him feel like an electric current is buzzing through him, igniting bursts of tingling warmth all over his skin. He fixes his gaze on the horizon and keeps it there.

 

Their train slows and Sousuke is startled awake by the sudden change in speed, his head snapping up as he blinks about wearily in confusion. Rin feels the absence of heat and weight on his arm too acutely, but it’s temporary; Sousuke eases back down, nudging his head against Rin’s arm as he does. He doesn’t close his eyes this time, instead stares with a drowsy half-lidded gaze at the same reflection Rin had been staring at not long ago. He catches Rin’s glance in the glass and smiles, holding his hand up in a small wave. Rin smiles back weakly, then turns away. 

 

Their train comes to a stop at their station. Sousuke is slow to remove himself from Rin’s space, and Rin has to nudge him along to get him going. They grab their belongings — Rin takes Sousuke’s heaviest bag, much to the other boy’s protests that, “I’m not an invalid” — and shuffle out onto the platform. It’s a fifteen minute walk between the station and their neighborhood, one they take in comfortable sleepy silence. Their shadows stretch long behind them as they walk in the orange light of the setting sun, and their footsteps leave dusty prints in the dirt. Rin takes a glance behind him here and there to see the long trail that their pair of footprints leave behind them, and the sight makes his heart ache enough for him to quickly discontinue the backward glances. 

 

It’s when they reach the crossroads point between their two houses, when Sousuke gently pries open Rin’s fingers where they’re wrapped around his duffel bag strap and reclaims the bag to carry himself, when he nods and offers that warm dizzying smile again and says, “well, I’ll see you” — it’s at this point that Rin finally speaks. 

 

"Stay the night."

 

Sousuke is surprised at first, his hand faltering mid wave and his eyebrows shooting up behind his bangs. He remembers who he’s talking to, though — Rin “Rash, Reckless, Relentless” Matsuoka — and chuckles. The low rumbling sound of it goes straight into the pit of Rin’s stomach, and he tries to ignore the feeling. 

 

"We’ve been sleeping in the same room for months now," Sousuke says finally, "and suddenly a night apart is too long?"

 

"You should understand. I imagine you felt similar pangs of longing when I first went abroad." Rin strives to sound as condescending as possible when he says it. 

 

Sousuke snorts. “The distance down the road is hardly comparable to the distance across the ocean.”

 

"Fair enough." Rin shrugs noncommittally. "My request still stands."

 

Sousuke cocks an eyebrow. “You don’t think _I_ haven’t had enough of _you_?”

 

"Impossible." 

 

"A bit full of yourself there, yeah?"

 

"Less that, more that I know you too well." 

 

To this Sousuke can only breathe a small laugh through his noise, and the lack of denial makes Rin smirk. 

 

"Come now, Sousuke. We both know the only reason you’re not scrambling to say yes is because you don’t want to look too eager." 

 

"I can’t even pretend that isn’t true. You really do know me too well." Sousuke shakes his head, more at himself than at the situation. He runs a hand through his hair as he concedes defeat, and says, "alright, ask me again."

 

Like a trigger, the words spur Rin forward, dramatic impulsive daring Rin, and he abandons his belongings behind him and closes the distance between him and Sousuke until their chests are inches from each other. He takes one hand, hesitates with it hovering midair, then gently touches Sousuke’s arm, the one hoisting his duffel over his shoulder. He trails it up, from his bent elbow, up his forearm, until Rin’s finger’s finds Sousuke’s where they’re wrapped firmly around the straps of the duffel bag. His touch flutters there, gentle and caressing, and he stares up at Sousuke with defiant eyes. 

 

"Stay with me tonight, Sousuke," he says firmly, and he feels Sousuke’s grip slacken, enough for him to slip his fingers in between and wrap around the bag handles. His eyes never leave Sousuke’s face and he watches the way his lips part just slightly, the way his gaze falls to focus on Rin’s mouth

 

And then a grin crawls across Sousuke’s mouth, lazy and slow, and he releases his bag completely into Rin’s hand. Rin immediately steals it back and slings it over his own shoulder.

 

"In what world could I say no to you?" Sousuke says around his grin.

 

Rin says nothing, only takes a triumphant step backward, beckoning with one coaxing finger before turning and waltzing off to collect the rest of his things.

 

Sousuke follows. 

 

*

 

Gou greets them when they arrive, squeezing them both into one tight hug then looping each of her arms through theirs between them. 

 

"It’s been way too long since I’ve seen you two walk in through that door together," she sighs wistfully. They both reach to ruffle her hair at the same time, their hands bumping awkwardly on top of one another. They both exchange a glance over the top of Gou’s head before the three of them erupt into laughter. 

 

The three have dinner together, watch TV together, forgo whatever program they were watching to sit on the back porch together to stare at the stars and talk for hours. Gou shares about school, about the swim team, about her friends, about her fears for next year — Rin and Sousuke listen intently, realizing how little they knew of her life and feeling ashamed for it. She tries to ask them about themselves, about how things have been going since being reunited and about plans for the future, but the boys don’t entertain the topic beyond a few vague words. She’s irked by this, and her irritation is furthered when she suddenly remembers Sousuke’s shoulder. 

 

"I can’t believe you, Rin," she scolds him first, placing a gentle hand on Sousuke’s arm where he sits between them. "Medical attention should have been your first priority!" 

 

He opens his mouth in what is clearly his own defense, and Gou shuts him down immediately. “No excuses! What kind of friend are you?”

 

That hits him harder than she likely intended, and he winces, glancing away and down at his hands. 

 

Sousuke senses the shift in mood on Rin’s end before Gou does, and he smiles apologetically at her, trying to diffuse the situation. “That was on me. I pushed it. I’m sorry.” 

 

"You should be!" She scrunches up her nose and furrows her brow in a scowl that reminds him too much of Rin. "Yamazaki Sousuke! I’d punch you if you weren’t suffering from a serious injury!" 

 

"Well, thank god for that. I suppose this shoulder is good for something after all." 

 

"You think you’re funny, huh?" 

 

Rin’s silence lasts the rest of the conversation, which Gou manages to end a short time later with a yawn and a stretch of her arm high over her head. The three concede exhaustion and head inside, and in the hallway outside their rooms, Gou bids them good night before excusing herself. 

 

"Can’t believe we’re doing this again," Sousuke says when Rin closes the door behind them. He crouches down near his duffel bag, unzipping it and rifling inside for his sleeping clothes. "Five years since our last sleepover, but it feels like a day hasn’t passed." 

 

He glances over at Rin where he has his back to him, picking out pajama bottoms from his own duffel bag before shoving the pack into the corner of the room and out of the way. 

 

"Not going to unpack?"

 

"Too tired." Rin’s answer comes too quickly, enough for Sousuke to find it strange. 

 

"Shall I grab the futon?" Sousuke asks, smiling. "I finally get the bottom, huh?" 

 

Rin says nothing, only peels off his shirt to change into a night shirt. 

 

Sousuke does not like the silence, but he doesn’t want to draw attention to it. Rin often said what was on his mind and it was probably for some significance that he chose to keep quiet now. He stares at him a moment longer, then crosses the room to grab the door handle with intent of exiting into the hallway where he knew the futon was kept. 

 

Rin is beside him almost instantly, placing a hand on the door and easing it back into the door jamb. 

 

"Don’t worry about it," he says, taking that same hand and pressing it against Sousuke’s chest. He pushes until Sousuke’s feet start moving backward and then he steers him, guiding him along until Sousuke’s legs hit the edge of Rin’s bed and he’s forced to sit.

 

"So I get the bed then?" Sousuke asks, grinning up at him. "Rather generous of you. I don’t have to beat you at any games for it or anything?" 

 

"Shut up." Rin takes two steps forward until he’s standing between Sousuke’s legs. His hands find the sides of Sousuke’s face, cupping it under his jawline and tilting his head up to stare at him and only him. "You can be so dense sometimes." 

 

Sousuke looks momentarily stunned by this and Rin can actually feel his breath hitching in his throat. It’s briefly thrilling to see the boy so easily undone, until Sousuke relaxes, grins, and mutters, “not as dense as you think.”

 

Then Sousuke is removing his hands where they lay useless on the bed, placing them on either side of Rin’s thighs and sliding them up slow until they’re resting on his hips. He tugs Rin forward until he’s flush against Sousuke’s body and they can both feel the heat of the other radiating through their clothes. Sousuke’s fingers play with the hem of Rin’s shirt, riding it up enough to reveal a sliver of skin for Sousuke to press his warm wet mouth against. 

 

Rin shivers under the sensation, running an encouraging hand through Sousuke’s hair. Sousuke smiles against his skin, begins to drag his teeth against the surface and make marks with his mouth, and Rin is overwhelmed enough to push him back, far back, enough to grant himself room as he gingerly climbs into Sousuke’s lap. 

 

In his scramble to put as little distance between their bodies as possible, Rin wraps his arms securely around Sousuke’s neck, only noticing his proximity to the shoulder as an afterthought and seizing back immediately. He can’t hide the worried glances he’s making, hesitating to slide his arms back into position as he tries to avoid touching the spot. Sousuke grips the arm nearest the shoulder, draws it closer and kisses it, his mouth moving against the skin to say, “it’s okay.” 

 

Rin breathes shakily, nods, then resolves to fit his hands around the side’s of Sousuke’s neck, drawing him close and kissing him deeply. Sousuke is so vocal in his approval, and it makes Rin smile into his mouth. 

 

"I’m not complaining," Sousuke murmurs when Rin finally pulls away to breathe. "But to what do I owe the occasion?"

 

"Does there need to be a reason?" 

 

Sousuke can feels the vibration of the words where his mouth is dragging along the length of Rin’s exposed neck. He chuckles back, and Rin can feel _that_ little noise rumbling against his throat. 

 

"Stupid question, right. Sorry." 

 

Rin’s response is to roll his hips, and how strained Sousuke sounds and how quick his face crumbles at the sensation only moves Rin to repeat the action. The movements lose rhythm, become increasingly frantic the more acutely and sensitively he feels Sousuke against him. The hands on Rin’s waist tighten, pressing him more ardently against Sousuke and the friction escalates until Rin is almost delirious with how good it feels.

 

He loses awareness of himself, barely registers the sounds of their clothes rubbing against each other and the bed shifting beneath them and the noises pouring forth from the two of them, and then his hands move to grip tightly around Sousuke’s shoulder blades again. His fingers touch the shoulder brace at the same time that he hears the sharp intake of breath and feels Sousuke flinch against him, and he freezes, pulling back enough to see Sousuke gritting his teeth and wincing. When Rin halts his movements and pulls back farther, Sousuke’s lips start moving fast, desperately pleading, “no, no, no — more — come back — “ 

 

"Does it hurt?" Rin whispers, staring at the shoulder while his hands ghost right over the spot.

 

“It’s fine…” Sousuke groans. 

 

"Lay back."

 

"Rin, seriously — "

 

“ _Lay back, Sousuke._ ” 

 

It’s a command this time, one Sousuke could not ignore, not from him, not even in their current state. It’s even worse so when Rin removes himself and steps away completely and Sousuke feels like he’s going to cry, but he musters the will to scoot back a bit on the bed, to lay himself back lengthwise across it. He’s too distracted by how momentarily miserable he is to notice what Rin is doing until he returns to him, his sleeping clothes now in a pile on the floor.

 

Sousuke gets to soak in the sight for a brief moment — and, oh, does he — before Rin starts crawling right onto the bed. Sousuke tries to sit up on his elbows, tries to reach out for Rin, but Rin shoves him back down with a heavy hand, then clambers right on top of him. 

 

His hands are on Sousuke’s clothes immediately, gripping them tightly as he starts to peel them off. 

 

"Let me take care of you, okay? Let me do this."

 

"Okay," Sousuke mumbles weakly, his body on fire. 

 

Rin kisses him like he means to consume him.

 

*

 

The quiet of the space is calm and thick, hanging in the air like it’s almost tangible, and when Rin suddenly speaks, the sound disrupts the silence jarringly enough to arouse Sousuke to semi-consciousness. 

 

"I’m leaving."

 

Sousuke has no idea how long Rin had been awake before speaking, nor how long they’d both been sleeping at all. The sun has barely begun to rise and the sky outside their window is a periwinkle blue that colors the confines of the room, and in his half-asleep haze, he blearily thinks it must be 5 AM.

 

Rin’s words had been gentle but firm, solemn. Sousuke barely catches them, and he nuzzles his head deeper against the crook of Rin’s neck as if that will make things clearer. 

 

"Hm?"

 

"I’m leaving," Rin repeats. "Tomorrow. Or I guess…later this afternoon." 

 

Sousuke smiles drowsily against Rin’s skin, thinking it a joke, perhaps mistaking this all for a dream he hasn’t completely woken up from. He keeps his eyes shut when he mumbles through his smile, “and where are you off to?”

 

"Australia." 

 

"Very funny."

 

"I’m serious."

 

The sincerity in Rin’s tone is what does it, what snaps Sousuke to attention. His eyes slide open slowly, his brows furrowed, his brain struggling to keep up with the words being exchanged. Rin is blurry in his vision and he has to blink several times for the image of him to sharpen. 

 

"What?"

 

"I’m going to Australia. I’m taking Haru with me." 

 

He can hear the way Rin is trying to soften the blow of his words. He sounds apologetic, regretful, not of what he’s doing, but that Sousuke has to know. Sousuke appreciates that he doesn’t sugarcoat it, though, doesn’t dance around the words. Blunt honesty has always been something he valued between the two of them; it got too messy and painful when things were left unsaid.

 

Still, he felt this one, like the wind had been kicked out of him. The notion of the words doesn’t even completely make sense to him until he repeats Rin’s sentence over and over in his head, and then the reality of it weighs down on him. 

 

"How…" he says, his voice hoarse and weak from sleep. "How long." 

 

Rin shrugs against him. “A few days. I’ll be back in time to practice before nationals.” 

 

A few days is not forever, Sousuke has to remind himself, and then he feels the tension dissipate, like the air deflating out of a balloon. Still, he knows how this boy gets. Romantic and reckless, falling in love with every place he goes and every person he meets, and it’s very likely that a few days could turn into forever.

 

He struggles to stay optimistic though, wears the smile again, though it takes a bit more effort on his part to hold it there. “Would it have killed you to share that bit first?” 

 

"I’m coming back, Sousuke." Rin’s hand finds his hair and run through it in a continuous, soothing motion.

 

"Good." He pauses for effect, doesn’t want to rush the questions ready to burst out of him, doesn’t want Rin to know how much he’s panicking on this inside. "When did you decide this?" 

 

"A couple days ago."

 

This was the same boy who transferred schools in the middle of the year just to swim with a couple of kids that barely knew him, who moved to a new continent all on his own not too long thereafter. Rash and impulsive and unafraid. The suddenness was ultimately unsurprising to Sousuke, and yet that it was happening anyway was still alarming. 

 

"May I ask why?" Sousuke finally dares to ask after a long bout of silence.

 

"Why what?" 

 

It’s a very good counter-question, because that "why" was attached to so many ideas that Sousuke was unsure which one he wanted answers to first. His fingers clench in the way they do when he’s nervous, and when he feels his nails gently drag across the skin of Rin’s back, he decides to begin with that one. 

 

"Why tell me like this?" He pauses. "Why tell me now?" 

 

Rin snorts. “Well, you’re finding out a lot sooner than Haru will, if that makes you feel any better.” 

 

"I win this round, Nanase," Sousuke mumbles, the humor just barely reaching his tone. 

 

Rin hesitates before speaking again. “I knew you’d be upset and it’s understandable why. I just wanted to hold onto you like this a little while longer, I guess.” 

 

"Like what?"

 

"Peaceful. You haven’t had peace in a long time. I didn’t want to disturb that." 

 

"Well, thanks," Sousuke mutters and he feels foolish for how pathetic he sounds when he says, how he can’t keep the bitterness out of his voice. He pauses to reflect on the gravity of his attitude, and his tone softens when he goes on, "you don’t have to try and protect my feelings, Rin. If you believe this is what you need to do, do it. I support you in everything. Don’t worry about me." 

 

"I worry about you all the time." 

 

He knows this is true, he knows deep inside how much Rin cares for him, but somehow hearing the words coming out of his mouth is enough to make Sousuke’s heart tighten in his chest. 

 

"I’m not going for myself," Rin says. "I’m going for Haru. He needs help. He needs me." 

 

"I — " Sousuke begins to say, like an impulse, like a reflex, and he slams his lips shut before _need you too_ comes tumbling out. He’d been selfish enough, he thinks, for one day. 

 

After a long pensive pause, what he says instead is, “you’re coming back this time, yeah?” to which Rin responds, “I told you I am.”

 

"Forgive me if I need to be reassured several times." 

 

Rin pushes Sousuke away and over onto his back before sliding on top of him. He kisses his lips languidly, pulls back and trails kisses across his jawline, his neck, his collarbone, his chest. 

 

"This is not a goodbye. This is a promise. I’m coming back." He ends with a gentle kiss right on the bad shoulder.

 

Sousuke uses one hand to tuck Rin’s messy curtain of hair behind his ear, uses the same hand to stroke down the side of Rin’s face. He stares up at him, at the fondness Rin wears for him, and he has a brief moment removed from this conversation where he can’t help but be awed by how beautiful one person can be. 

 

"Be safe," he says. 

 

"I’ll be back before you know it." Rin folds his arms on Sousuke's chest and winks. "I’ll bring you something nice."

 

Sousuke smiles, resists the urge to say, _just come home_.

 

"I hope you find what you’re looking for out there,” Sousuke does manage to say after a moment. “Both of you.” 

 

Neither of them leave the bed for hours and neither of them sleep. Sousuke wills the sun to stay away, to prolong the time he has left, and then it’s not too long before Rin slips out from the sheets and leaves the room to shower. 

 

Sousuke is left alone to stare up at the ceiling. His shoulder aches, but it doesn’t bother him. The sun moves outside, is peaking through the curtains, shining in his eyes when Rin returns. 

 

Rin sits beside him on the bed, and when Sousuke looks up at him, he snorts.

 

"Nice hat." 

 

Rin rolls his eyes, flicks him on the forehead. “Shut up.” He leans forward, kisses the same spot he hit, hears Sousuke sigh against him. 

 

"Message me when your planes leaves," Sousuke mumbles. "And when you land." 

 

"Of course." Rin kisses him again, this time on the mouth, holding his lips there for a long time before pulling away slowly. "See you in a few days, Yamazaki." 

 

"Until then." 

 

When Rin stands, he holds out a fist. Sousuke’s fist moves of its own accord, bumping it with practiced ease. 

 

Rin crosses the room, opens the door, and then he’s gone.

 

Again.


End file.
